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He came from the fey wild
Looking for a slow child
We caught him pillaging in my village and
Asked him if he could stay awhile
He can cast fireball
And also help with algebra, but that’s not all
The kids quit bullying when they get a look at him
He’s got a calculator and he’s seven feet tall
He’s Zugtork the wizard orc math tutor
Zugtork the wizard orc middle school math tutor
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Can you hear it?
It’s a hammer and a nail
Water leaking in a pail
It’s what’s brought you here today
Can you hang drywall
It’s much harder than it looks
And if you don’t like reading books
Let Neil show you the way
It’s a diamond in the rough
When you’re living in a run-down hut
Or find a place that makes your face
Feel like you could fix it up
It’s a diamond in the rough
Let’s sink a fence post
Got to keep those chickens in
Or a turkey or a hen
Raising poultry ‘cross the land
Protective eyewear
protects your eyes when you wear it
So if you have an extra, share it
put ‘em on and take my hand
It’s a diamond in the rough…
Counter
You’ll have a backsplash soon
Hey man, can I crash here
At least until my bathroom’s done
I swear I’m not some kind of bum
Let Neil show you the way (fade out)
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If the holidays are near and you're still single
and you don't want Aunt Martha asking if you're still alone
then come on down to Billy's Boyfriend Store
and rent a total stranger to bring home
There's a large range of options to choose from
and we can guarantee that all of them are good
there's Drunk Dave and Smelly Steve and Justin who thinks that a good conversation topic is that Hitler was misunderstood
There's Chad who will hit on your mom
and Roger who says racist things then claims that's just his humor
and some might say we take your info away, give it to the CIA but for legal reasons that's just a rumor
please keep giving us your money and letting our creepy, strange men into your homes
You can finally tell your Aunt Martha to suck it
'cause this year, you are not alone anymore
paradise awaits for you if you come on down
and visit Billy's totally legit, not creepy at all Boyfriend Store
(Billy's Boyfriend Store is located in an alley that you won't realize you're in until it's too late. Billy's Boyfriend Store does not claim responsibility for any weird scents, stains on your carpet, marital issues, screaming, crying, burping, disappearing family members, or large sums of money mysteriously being withdrawn from your bank account. Please stop leaving angry voice mails about this.)
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Code Name: Roast Beef
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11. |
Rick Dodd - My Criminal
03:39
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