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We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Fall 20 - Theme

by The New Old Distillery

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He came from the fey wild Looking for a slow child We caught him pillaging in my village and Asked him if he could stay awhile He can cast fireball And also help with algebra, but that’s not all The kids quit bullying when they get a look at him He’s got a calculator and he’s seven feet tall He’s Zugtork the wizard orc math tutor Zugtork the wizard orc middle school math tutor
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Can you hear it? It’s a hammer and a nail Water leaking in a pail It’s what’s brought you here today Can you hang drywall It’s much harder than it looks And if you don’t like reading books Let Neil show you the way It’s a diamond in the rough When you’re living in a run-down hut Or find a place that makes your face Feel like you could fix it up It’s a diamond in the rough Let’s sink a fence post Got to keep those chickens in Or a turkey or a hen Raising poultry ‘cross the land Protective eyewear protects your eyes when you wear it So if you have an extra, share it put ‘em on and take my hand It’s a diamond in the rough… Counter You’ll have a backsplash soon Hey man, can I crash here At least until my bathroom’s done I swear I’m not some kind of bum Let Neil show you the way (fade out)
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If the holidays are near and you're still single and you don't want Aunt Martha asking if you're still alone then come on down to Billy's Boyfriend Store and rent a total stranger to bring home There's a large range of options to choose from and we can guarantee that all of them are good there's Drunk Dave and Smelly Steve and Justin who thinks that a good conversation topic is that Hitler was misunderstood There's Chad who will hit on your mom and Roger who says racist things then claims that's just his humor and some might say we take your info away, give it to the CIA but for legal reasons that's just a rumor please keep giving us your money and letting our creepy, strange men into your homes You can finally tell your Aunt Martha to suck it 'cause this year, you are not alone anymore paradise awaits for you if you come on down and visit Billy's totally legit, not creepy at all Boyfriend Store (Billy's Boyfriend Store is located in an alley that you won't realize you're in until it's too late. Billy's Boyfriend Store does not claim responsibility for any weird scents, stains on your carpet, marital issues, screaming, crying, burping, disappearing family members, or large sums of money mysteriously being withdrawn from your bank account. Please stop leaving angry voice mails about this.)
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Code Name: Roast Beef
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credits

released August 4, 2020

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The New Old Distillery Rensselaer, Indiana

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